complexity and reality

never thought to say this but I think it's real and I'm bereft of hope

who ever thought?

by the way, am I conceding or confessing or admitting!

for, 

-if I'm confessing it means I'd been bereft of hope and I've been denying it

-if I'm admitting it means I've recently lost my hope and have had the courage to accept it

-if I'm conceding - it is different and - it means I still have hope since I'm unwillingly saying that!

don't mistake my silence for anything

I'm not tired, right?

I just feel dumbstruck by the vastness of the world.

how ignorant I was when I thought of myself something more than an epsilon.

I've always used this example that a cow is a cow nothing more or less, in contrary to human that has never been the thing they should be.

when I'm not portraying the thing which I should be, it means that I am less than a plankton; of course in the best case scenario, since I could be evil which is not too far, in this era of iniquity, for any human being to be an epitome of it.

the point is, I want to be as human as a cow is a cow.

translated in my way

this and that

do you believe I have abandoned every thing, every single thing?

but for what?

I do not know!